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Taoism: Shit happens
Confucionism: Confucius says: "Shit happens"
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist
Mysticism: Just experience shit happening
Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you
Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere
Stoicism: I don't care if shit happensCynicism: Of course shit happens
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say
Freudianism: If shit happens, tell me about it
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes
Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it
Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently
Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it
Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody
Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it
Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
Feminism: Men are shit
Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK
Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening
Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally
Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit
Conservatism: Shit was better in the old days
Trekism: To bodly shit where noone has beforeConspiracy
Theorism: THEY shit on us
Acupuncturist: Hold still or this will hurt like shit
Tantrism: Fuck that shitFatalism: Oh shit! It´s going to happen!
Surrealism: Fish happens
Rastafarism: LET`S SMOKE THIS SHIT!!!